It is rather difficult to grasp the meaning of unrequited feelings. Until one day it grabs hold of you and stare you at the face. I had the distinct displeasure of beholding the devil of rejection.

A friend told me what goes around comes around. Just as you choose people, people chooses you. Such is the way of the world. If everyone gets their way, there will be no need for religion.

******

Was at a christmas party. It was a good way to rid the gloominess that plagued me over the weekend. It was a party to discover the meaning of christmas. Mark was preaching about how accepting the diagnosis of jesus that we are sinners. Only when we accept that we are ill to sin, can we alleviate from the disease.

Jacqueline was saying that all it takes is to let go and let Him take charge; and how everythng went right after that for her. Francis was sharing his experience of how the miracle of baptism cured him of an illness that plagued his childhood times. Hearing the experiences makes it easy to succumb to the calling of an Almighty one who can deliver from all sadness and pain. It is unfortunate that there is always a wide rebellious streak in me. I refused to believe that I cannot stand on my own feet; or that I need to let someone else take charge of my life. I find it extremely difficult to let someone else manage a problem that is entirely mine. I have been educated to be responsible for my own situation, no matter how dire or hopeless it seems.

Perhaps until one day, when I face a problem that is really beyond acceptance, will I break down, kneel and cry for help. But until then, agnosticism seems like a fairer road.