Celebrating Chinese New Year have always been momentous for me. Yet this year, I am beginning to find it all routine to be preparing for the festive ocassion.

For a start, I never felt the same anticipation that usually permeate a week before the new year. The only reason why I am looking forward this year is the break that I will be getting from work. Even the fact that I will be having the reunion dinner with my dad and mum the first time in many years did not lift the spirits appreciably; although I admit to having great time with the steamboat that we wrecked up at home.

The visiting and celebration have also lost that usual lustre. The kids that used to frolic in the house have turned teenager with their extraordinarily melodrama. No longer do I hear the pestering of the kids for another can of soft drinks; instead are the whines of spending too much time at our place and it is getting boring, wanting to meet their girlfriends, yadha yadha...

Personally, I am just trying to get away from the usual barrage of questions launched on me when the relatives arrive. I have in fact became most skill at dodging the curiosity of those relatives whom I will see only once a year, with a carefully couched reply that avoids answering a question that will be equally embarassing for them as it would be for myself.

At least this year I get to have some quiet time off in a seaside park. I have never thought that I would be spending a moment like that during the new year season. It was a good change for me. To spend a quiet chinese new year was something fresh, and I rather like it.

Ah well, it has been a strange festive season. I think I should get an excuse to be away the next year round. Maybe in Bali or Phuket.

I thought I am beyond frivolity:
The age of chance and play.
Unaware, the churlish devil creeps up on me,
Catches me, pins me down with the bloodstained fork.
I gave in to indulgence,
Sensual pleasures without commitment.
Yet how I regret after,
The end of it all, an emotional torture.
I learnt through these painful lessons,
that loves is the strongest bind of all.
Oh I hate those hideous laughters,
The devil's gloats over my silent suffering.
I wait and ponder,
Stare far yonder.
Will an angel to come?
Smite the devil and release me,
and bestow a long awaited second life.

Quiet peace calms the ritual rush,
Cool breeze drives life's worries away.
Strolling through the green and lush,
Pacing away the troubles of the day.
The moon peeps shyly over the trees,
Adores herself in the calm mirror lake.
Her reflection dances with a playful glee,
Oh how her distance makes love ache.
She seems near but is far,
I reached out to hold her, I am shy.
The doors of love stays ajar
Peeping through, I smile the wary wry.
She lay, beautiful in calm repose,
Yet cold as stone, in her cool compose.
How I adore the calm and peaceful night,
Longing for a frozen time before light.

I yearn for the tranquility,
A moment of calm and serenity.
I desire for the inner peace,
And gladly don the unruffled fleece.
Yet when I saw one so lovely,
Life fare no longer simply,
The temptress of love is here,
She beckons me near,
"Be not afraid, be not shy"
She laughs with a battered eye.
"Stay not away, here come closer"
I hear her sing, in her gentle whisper.
I dare not broach, my memories serves well,
Nearing her have left much pain to dwell.
Love is a mistress of the brave,
To embrace her, a life you gave.
Courage ere fails me, cowardice takes over,
Oft leaves me bewildered; a forlorn lover.
Again I am besotted with the romance song,
This time I shan't tinkle too long.
I pledge courage, to hold her fast,
I hope for once, this hug will last.
For too oft, away she is spirited,
Ere we got scarcely acquainted.
How it will be, I know not,
But tranquil and peace, I have forgot.

I am recently reading the remains of the day by Ishiguro.

It is a good read so far. But what struck me was how the butler assume that the greatest butler, would be that of dignity.

Dignity, if I did not read him wrongly, comprises the quiet pride to discharge the duties, even in quiet sufferance. I was woed by how the butler allowed his father's demise to pass him by, while he busied himself to serving the partrons of the party. At the same time, I felt touched when he told the maid not to think lightly of him, for his father would have wanted him to do so.

I was set to thinking if this dignity should rightly define all profession. To be someone great, it involves sacriface of some sort. I could think of any number of people who made that sacriface. Perhaps, it is the dignity in the sacriface that makes him professional.

I am currently trailing on where the butlers thought will take him with the maid...

My new year resolutions:

1. Play ten songs decently on the piano
2. Exercise once a week
3. Volunteer at charity once a fortnight
4. Save 500 a month
5. Write a short story
6. Sign up for GMAT and score 750

Hmmm... looking at my own list of resolutions, I guess I will have to work a little harder to achieve something.

It will be a good year ahead.